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What Is A Player: Just the way a player likes it. What is a player, you ask? My apologies for being blunt, but it is what it is. Are you dating a player?
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I get asked a lot of questions about dating but I felt the easiest way to start a series of posts addressing dating was to say: You need to go into dating with a reasonable level of trust and self-esteem. Dating is a discovery period. I can change him! And this one time in bandcamp he said he was going to marry me and take me on a cruise! Some people date because they are genuinely looking for a relationship. Some people date to pass time. If you date someone and take the time to get to know them, you can work out whether you actually do want the same thing as opposed to saying that you do and something else resulting.
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When he was pursuing you, you felt like you had control and could choose whether or not you wanted him around. At that time, you chose to reject him. You came back together and over time, things changed. In other words, he learned how to act if he wants to get rejected by you and he learned how to act if he wants you to chase him.
If I were in his position, I would continue acting in the way that has you chasing. I mean, think about it. He tried it one way, it probably felt terrible to him and ultimately got him rejected. So based on that experience, he would probably make a conscious, willful effort not to get back into that position with you again.
Everyone resents being deliberately manipulated. On the other hand, a woman who has a total wall up will not get guys to chase her. And people are inherently repelled by neediness, especially unjustified neediness. If you are busy with the rest of your life, you have less of a chance obsessing over him. Keep your mind under control. You do, however, have tremendous power over how you think and act.
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Recently the subject of guys and breakups came up and Sabrina and I went back and forth about what guys generally go through when they breakup. Simple enough to say, but I know plenty of women will talk about how some guy came off like an insensitive jackass after the relationship fell apart because of his actions post-breakup. If a guy is profoundly obnoxious or terrible after a breakup, it is most often a testament to how rough the breakup was on him.
Some people cope by lashing out. Jerry Seinfeld once said that breaking up a relationship needs to be like taking off a Band-aid — One motion: In the same regard, when a relationship ends, it is much much harder for a guy to go back and discuss and revisit and talk through and explain, etc. Personally, I have had breakups where I pretty much went cold. I wanted her to be OK, I wanted good things for her in life, but I knew that nothing was going to make the situation better. No discussion was going to fix things, no clarity was to be had — it would have just been an emotional toilet for both of us.
I realize it probably came off jerky, but when I cut off communication, my heart is in the right place. But what about the guy that immediately gets into a new relationship?